For those who have followed me on my grief journey they know that for some reason when the seasons change it is always really hard on me. I'm not sure why. Fall is here it is getting darker earlier and I guess I have more time at home to think. I don't know why it is so emotional for me when the next season comes. And it is equally as hard since the holidays are coming up. It's hard because Asher is again not here to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas with us. I know he is having a much better Holiday season up in Heaven though.
We have been having a lot of "firsts" in our house lately. Olivia went to her first friend birthday party, she went to her first Junior Cheer Camp, and then cheered at her first football game. Oh and I can't forget her first school picture, which turned out really good. I love seeing all her firsts. She is such an amazing little girl with a bright imagination. She always comes up with something to make me laugh and smile when I am feeling down.
As bitter sweet as the holidays are for me, I am excited to get to experience all the "firsts" with Saige. Her first Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. She is going to be into everything by Thanksgiving. She is so close to crawling! (If she doesn't walk first). She got her first two teeth already and they are sharp. She is going to experience her first pumpkin patch today. She went to her first football game a couple weeks ago. I have to remember all these firsts because they will not happen again.
It makes me sad that I never got to do the "firsts" with Asher. I would give anything to have him here with us. We will just continue to go visit him and celebrate the holidays with him like we always do. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month so it is a special time to remember him. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of him. I look at his picture every night before bed. Olivia has been talking about him a lot lately so she has decided we are going to get him a pumpkin today at the pumpkin patch and I know he will love it.
I will continue to take things one day at a time because that is all I can do. This journey is a roller coaster and there are times when I never know if I'm going to be up or down.
