So the holiday season as you can imagine is one that is still really tough on me. The weather doesn't help, espcially when it goes from 60 degrees to 10 in two days. I always have trouble with the season change and more darkness means more time to think. Olivia and I decorated Asher's grave the other morning and it looks good. We still need to put up his little Charlie Brown Christmas tree. It's tough on me to not be able to see him much. I do try to drive threw the cemetery a few times a week, but it isn't the same as getting out and going to touch his stone.
Thanksgivng came and went we had three of them. My doctor said I gained 7 pounds I said give me a break! This year was a little better than last year. Last year I was dealing with it being the first "real" holiday since Asher died and I was also recovering from a D & C after having a miscarriage that week. But this Thanksgiving I turned 27 weeks, which means 10 weeks to go until I am induced with Baby Foley.
We are so happy that things are still going good with Baby Foley. Some of you may know what I am having and that's fine. I am still trying to keep it under wraps a little bit. We also already have a name picked out. I am scheduled to be induced on February 6th when I am 37 weeks along. I can't wait to hold this baby in my arms. But I still have a strong fear that something is going to go wrong. I was put on some antiaxiety medication to help with all that, but I still worry pretty much constantly. I mean how can I not. Everything was fine with Asher two days before he was born into Heaven. I will feel a little bit at ease once I hear this baby cry. But knowing me that will not stop the worry. There are so many things to worry about as a parent.
Olivia had strep and a sinus infection a couple weeks ago and I felt so bad I didn't take her to the doctor sooner so I worried about her. Since Asher's death I check on her multiple times a night to make sure she is still breathing and it ok. I also had the stomach flu last week, that wasn't fun. I got dehydrated and was really weak. Now I have a cold. I just want to feel better.
Like I said Baby Foley is still doing great. He/She is a stubborn thing, always hiding it's face when it's time for an ultrasound. The baby moves around a lot but is completly backwards it's active all day and then once it's bed time it sleeps. Which makes me super nervous because when I can't sleep I lay awake wondering if the baby is ok. I don't think I have slept good for a couple months now. I just can't seem to sleep. I really want to sleep though. I am still seeing my regular OB and a high risk doctor. I see one of the doctors each week and then I still get my shots twice a week which I will take until the end. My high risk doctor will start monitoring more often once I hit 35 weeks and my regular OB is going to start monitoring me twice a week once I hit 31 weeks I believe. So I will be seeing a lot of my doctors. I love all the nurses too they let me listen to the heartbeat whenever I want to. I am checking my blood sugar four times a day to monitor for gestational diabetes. I'm not sure if I have it or not, but I am border line. I am also on some iron pills. The baby is sucking all the iron out of me. Somedays I feel like a walking medicine cabinet. Chris listens to the baby every night by putting his ear to my stomach. He talks to the baby and last night it was punching his ear.
Olivia is so excited for the baby to come. She said the other night she wants to take it out in the snow. I tried to explain to her that it couldn't go in the snow because it was too cold and she just said well you can wrap it in a blanket. She is too smart for her own good most of the time. We are getting ready for her dance recital, which is on December 14th. She is super excited to be a reindeer. I can't wait to see her dance. This month will be her last month of dance which makes me sad but it is too hard on us to get up there once a week and right now twice a week for class when I am already going to Lincoln so much. And pretty soon we just won't be able to afford it any more. She also has a Christmas Program at church which she is excited about. She is growing up so fast. I'm not sure we are going to see Santa this year she is pretty much dead set on not seeing him and I don't want to scare her. She has asked for a doll house and she is getting a big one. She is going to be so excited.
Also to add to my busy schedule I have decided to become and Independent Designer for Origami Owl Living Lockets. They are super cool lcokets that you can personalize yourself with little charms. I love the one I have because I can have both things that remind me of Olivia and Asher in the same locket and soon to be the new baby. I am excited to host my launch party this weekend and people seem to be responding well to it. It's super important to make something that is all your own and wear it with pride.
I will try to update more often as things get closer to baby time and as the holidays calm down. But until them please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we go through another holiday without our sweet baby Asher. And also for a good out come with my pregnancy and birth.
