It is so hard for me to believe it has almost been two years since Asher's death. It still seems like it was yesterday. The emotions and pain of this week has been tough. I am grieving like it was just yesterday. I miss him so much and wish he was here everyday. As much as I want him running around my house right now, if he was that means Saige would probably not be here. And I can't imagine life without here.
She has been a miracle and she has helped me heal. I look at her in her most innocent times like when she is sleeping and I see Asher all over again.
This week has also been hard because I feel like people are forgetting him. They are making plans for his birthday that aren't focused on his birthday. And I know life goes on. But at times mine is still stuck in that horrible pain of grief. It's so hard to climb out sometimes.
I do know that Asher's death has made me a better mother, wife, and hopefully friend. I want to be there for anyone during those hard times because I know how dark they can be and how much you can use a friend.
I also read a quote recently that pretty much summed up what has happen since his death. It said something like when you are dealing with the loss of a child it can make close friends into strangers and strangers into close friends. And it is so true. The nurse who was there when I delivered Asher and who was there to help with Saige has become and amazing friend. Our kids are friends and we like to hang out. I have also found that family isn't just blood. I have a few close friends who are more like family then some of my family. They check on me more than family does and make sure we are doing ok.
I thank Lacy, Brent, and Brandy for always thinking of us at this hard time with a special gift for Asher. This year it was a stuffed tractor that is so cute. It will go with all our Asher stuff. I have had so many texts and stuff from friends this week too.
If this week weren't stressful enough we are in the middle of selling out house. While I am super excited to be looking for a new house it is also very emotional for me. Every time I take a shower I think of Asher. It's a long story about why the shower makes me think of him. For a long time it was that shower that haunted me. I know we will find a special place just for Asher's things at the new house.
We are going to try to keep a low key day for tomorrow. We plan on going to visit Asher and release some balloons up to Heaven for him. We will probably also spend some time with family and friends.
Please just say a little prayer for my sweet sweet Asher as he celebrates his second birthday in Heaven. July 20, 2014
I have decided to do a post about each of my children leading up to Asher's 2nd Birthday in Heaven. So this post is all about Olivia.
Olivia is a free spirit. She has a mind of her own and she is not afraid to let you know what she thinks. Yes we have butted heads at time and sure we will in the future, but she has gotten me through some of the toughest times in my life.
I remember her sitting on my lap in the hosptial after Asher died and I was crying and she wiped my tears and told me it was going to be ok. She did this numerous times over the next few weeks. She was my rock the reason I got up in the morning. She made me smile while dancing to the Hot Dog Dance while watching Mickey Mouse after Asher died.
She loves Asher with all her heart and she kisses his stone when we go visit him.
She played t-ball this year and she played in the dirt. No one will ever forget her hitting the ball and picking up a handful of dirt on her way to first base. She will start preschool in August and she is super excited for that. I can't believe she is 4 years old already. The time has flown by. She loves the water and I have a feeling she will be swimming by the end of this summer. She is a great big sister and she can make Saige's face light up like no one else can.
I love listening to her exciment as she talks about the things she loves. She is a social butterfly who can make friends where ever she goes. Sure she may have attitude but she is the sweetest little girl. I can't wait to watch her grow and see who she chooses to become as she goes off to preschool and beyond. I asked her what she wanted to be when she grows up and she told me a doctor. I asked her who she wanted to take care of and she told me all people. I hope she goes on to do this because she is always thinking of others first. When I don't feel good or am sad she is always there to lend a helping hand and wipe away my tears.
I love you miss Olivia (attitude and all)!
