Rainbow Baby

A "Rainbow Baby" is a (miracle) baby conceived after the loss of another child.

"Rainbow Babies" are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope.

Almost Fall

So it has been awhile since I have wrote.  I guess I just needed a break.  The summer has gone quickly.  I still am trying to beleive that Asher has been gone for over a year (13 months) already.  I still visit him almost everyday.  I know he is watching out for us and wants to see me happy.  I do cry less than I used to.  I still find it hard to have any good days.  I would say I am really just going with the flow and living right now.  Of course Olivia keeps me really busy.  She didn't really have a terrible two stage, but I think she has a little bit of the terrible three's.  So we are working on not talking back and listening.  I don't spank her and I will never spank her.  I am not against it, I just won't do it to my child.  So she gets time out.  It seems to work well for her.

Olivia will keep me busy in the weeks to come.  She will start dance class again in Lincoln on September 9th.  We are really excited for that.  It will be every Monday until May and then we will get to see her in a recital.  I can't wait to see that.  Olivia will also be started Sunday School.  She is really excited for that too.  I also might be a Sunday School teacher.  So we will see how that goes.

The other big news for us is I'm expecting again.  This has brought about a lot of emotions.  We are of course very excited about it, but also terrified beyond words.  There are times when I feel guilty about being pregnant again.  I know Asher is happy for us and he is watching down on us.  A baby after a loss is called a rainbow baby.  And I know Asher is watching out for us, because the day after Asher's birthday Chris and I were leaving the cemetery after visisting him (the day before my first ultrasound) and what do we see but a beautiful rainbow in the sky.  I believe Asher sent that too us to tell us that everything was going to be ok.

Of course with this pregnancy I have a lot of anxiety.  Every back ache or pain in my side makes me worry that something bad is going to happen.  But so far things are going good.  This week will mark me being 14 weeks pregnant.  We have seen the baby 3 times on ultrasounds.  My doctor is taking extra special care of me.  Which includes shots twice a week and medicine every night to make sure my hormone levels stay in check.  I am not sure how long I will have to do all that, but it could be the entire time, which is fine with me.  As long as I get to bring a live, healthy, baby home at the end of all this things will be great.  I will also be going to see a high risk doctor soon so he can also watch to make sure things are going as planned.  My due date if around February 27th, but my doctor thought I would have the baby around February 10th.  I will try to keep everyone updated here on my blog.  I am not sure how much I will post on Facebook becaues I know how horrible it can be to see all the pregnancy updates and pictures of new babies when you have just experienced a loss.  It sucks to see it actually.  It can make you angry and sad all over again.  So I am going to try not to do that.  I am lucky to belong to a couple groups of women who are pregnant again after suffering a loss.  It is very helpful to speak our minds there because they truly know what I am going through and feel just the way I do.

So until my next update please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers that everything goes well for us.  We truly want to bring this baby home.  I need to have something in my arms again.