A Year Ago Today... Part 3

It was one year ago today that I left the hospital.  I was supposed to be leaving the hospital with a sweet baby boy in my arms.  Instead I left the hospital with empty arms and a broken heart.  I remember it was the longest, quietest ride home from Lincoln ever.  My arms physically ached from not having a baby in them.  I was numb and in shock by everything that had happened.

I remember before leaving the hospital breaking down and crying in the bed just horrible sobs.  And Olivia climbing up on my bed and hugging me and wiping away my tears and telling me that everything was going to be alright.  She is such a sweet girl.  And yesterday when I broke down in those same sobs she hugged me and wiped away my tears and told me that everything was going to be ok.  I hope so Olivia I really do.  It is just still so hard to not have Asher here.

I remember holding Asher for the last time and the nurse taking him away.  Chris had gone to get the car and she asked if I wanted to see him one last time.  She took me to another room and he was just laying there so still and so quiet.  Right then and there I had to leave my baby at the hospital and I had to go home with nothing.  No mother should have to do that.  Saying goodbye was so hard.  I wanted Asher so bad.

Today we had a family picnic for Asher and it was nice to be with family.  Olivia caught her first fish and was so happy.  I am sure Asher was looking down on her just smiling.  I hope my Grandpa Scurto and my sister Stephanie gave Asher the best birthday party ever in heaven.