Mother's Day

Well today was not an easy day for me.  It was Mother's Day and I am the mother of an angel.  I miss my Asher so much.  I went to see him at the cemetery and I like to think that he was looking down on me today.  I pray for all the mother's who have suffered this great loss.  It seems like more and more people are having babies or are pregnant again.  I just want a chance again.  I need that baby in my arms.  Only a couple people told me happy mother's day.  Not even my husband did, and I guess that upset me.  Maybe he didn't want to make me sad, but I already was so it ddin't matter.

I was lucky enough to have a great distraction today so I could forget about Mother's day.  We celebrated Olivia's 3rd birthday.  I can't believe she will be three tomorrow.  It seems like just yesterday I was in the hospital having her.  I wasn in labor for almost 24 hours before she arrived and she was perfect.  My little bundle of joy.  She made me smile today and I guess that was what I needed.  It makes me so sad to look at her grow up so fast.  I know I should focus on her, but in the back of my mind I always think about how Asher will never celebrate any birthdays here on earth.  And how by the time we have another child if we are blessed with one that Olivia will almost be another year older.  I didn't want my children spaced so far apart.  But I guess you get what you get.  I wish Asher were here every second of the day.  I am praying for acceptance and for the chance to be pregnant again and to bring another baby home.

I was induced with Olivia and she was a stubborn one and would never hold still for the heart monitor.  We waited and waited all day for her to come.  She was finally born at 3:15 a.m. on May 13, 2010.  We like to tease her about how she got her name.  Chris and I hadn't decided on a name yet and she was born and the doctors were cleaning her up and Chris left to go tell everyone she was here.  He came back into the room and I said so what should we name her and he was like oh I already told everyone her name was Olivia Ann.  But it suits her well.  She is my pride and joy and the only reason I get out of bed everyday.  As her mother I hope she never has to go through this kind of heartache and pain in her lifetime.  I hope she enjoyed her birthday.  She had a great party and she received a lot of things for her doll Sophie.  She got a stroller, car seat, diaper bag, high chair, and clothes for her doll.  While sitting rocking her tonight after we got home she looked at me and said, "Ma Ma I sure got alot of things for Sophie today."  And I said yes you did Olivia.  And she said, "I sure feel like a mommy now."  She is a wonderful mommy to Sophie and I know she will be a wonderful mother somday because she has so much compasion and is wise beyond her years.   I love you Olivia Ann Foley.  You are my pride and joy.