2015

Well it's another new year.  I will say 2014 was a pretty decent year.  We welcomed Saige in February which was exciting.  My pregnancy with her was very scary to say the least.  She is a great baby and I can't believe she is almost a year old.  Time goes too fast.  She is a completely different baby than Olivia was.  Saige gets into trouble, she is into everything and Olivia never did that much.  So she keeps me on my toes and very busy.  Sometimes I wonder if Asher is helping her get into mischief.  She looks so much like him.  It always takes my breath away when I am holding her when she is sleeping and I look down and I am holding him all over again.  At first it was kind of heartbreaking because I knew I would never hold him again.  But now it is kind of comforting because I get to see him through her. 

I still feel really guilty that I don't make it to the cemetery to see him much anymore.  But I still think about him everyday.  He will always be a big part of my life.  My emotions can still be a rollercoaster I have good days and bad days.  I don't think the pain will every go away it just gets different. 
It's the song on the radio that gets to me or looking at a sleeping Saige, who looks so much like Asher that gets to me.  This may be morbid to say, but death no longer scares me.  I know that when it is my time to go, the first thing that I will see if my baby boy running towards me.  I can't wait to hold him again.
2015 will be another year of many changes.  I hope we will find the house we can move into.  Olivia will be starting kindergarten.  And I hope to find a full time job.  Also my best friend is getting married and I want to take my Origami Owl business to new heights.  We will see how all that goes.


But for now here is the song that reminds me of my struggle with Asher's death and how I have gotten more strong in my faith.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH9kYn4L8TI