Two years

It is so hard for me to believe it has almost been two years since Asher's death.  It still seems like it was yesterday.  The emotions and pain of this week has been tough.  I am grieving like it was just yesterday.  I miss him so much and wish he was here everyday.  As much as I want him running around my house right now, if he was that means Saige would probably not be here.  And I can't imagine life without here.


She has been a miracle and she has helped me heal.  I look at her in her most innocent times like when she is sleeping and I see Asher all over again. 


This week has also been hard because I feel like people are forgetting him.  They are making plans for his birthday that aren't focused on his birthday.  And I know life goes on.  But at times mine is still stuck in that horrible pain of grief.  It's so hard to climb out sometimes.


I do know that Asher's death has made me a better mother, wife, and hopefully friend.  I want to be there for anyone during those hard times because I know how dark they can be and how much you can use a friend.


I also read a quote recently that pretty much summed up what has happen since his death.  It said something like when you are dealing with the loss of a child it can make close friends into strangers and strangers into close friends.  And it is so true.  The nurse who was there when I delivered Asher and who was there to help with Saige has become and amazing friend.  Our kids are friends and we like to hang out.  I have also found that family isn't just blood.  I have a few close friends who are more like family then some of my family.  They check on me more than family does and make sure we are doing ok.


I thank Lacy, Brent, and Brandy for always thinking of us at this hard time with a special gift for Asher.  This year it was a stuffed tractor that is so cute.  It will go with all our Asher stuff.  I have had so many texts and stuff from friends this week too.


If this week weren't stressful enough we are in the middle of selling out house.  While I am super excited to be looking for a new house it is also very emotional for me.  Every time I take a shower I think of Asher.  It's a long story about why the shower makes me think of him.  For a long time it was that shower that haunted me.  I know we will find a special place just for Asher's things at the new house.


We are going to try to keep a low key day for tomorrow.  We plan on going to visit Asher and release some balloons up to Heaven for him.  We will probably also spend some time with family and friends.


Please just say a little prayer for my sweet sweet Asher as he celebrates his second birthday in Heaven.  July 20, 2014